Heart meeting soul

I have been thinking a lot lately, and these thoughts led me to a road, and unknown road. I guess it is good but in a way it is scary because I have no idea how I got here, but to be honest I cannot tell you how great it feels to have a change in my life. For so long I have been living in shadow hoping one day I will get saved... That day is here and now I realized if I want to be saved I have to save myself. Someone once told me if you want to something to happen you gotta let go of that idea and allow god to work. If it comes to you then it was in the plan and if it never came to you... well the rest is history. All I ever wanted was love, true, pure, honest love, that led me home... But I realized this love I was searching for in all these guys was inside of me and I was just waiting for me to find me. I have been wondering aimlessly trying to find my heart a home when all the while my soul was waiting for my heart to come home. So, this is my letter to God. Dear God, I have failed you, I stopped allowing you to guide me. I stop believing that you could give me the one the that I wanted my whole life. I decided I was no longer waiting for you to take action I was going to make my own choices. Most of those choices led me down a bad path they made me miss out on my future, I stole from my future because I could not allow you to keep hold of my heart I needed to move and make all these guys come into my life. but to be honest it was never in the cards for me to guide my boat. I am sorry that it took me so long. I am sorry that I stopped believing in you. I am handing my heart to you because it is the one thing that I have not been able to give you. it has been the one thing that I have held on to because I am afraid of the unknown.... But not anymore I want to be it!!! I AM GIVING YOU MY LOVE and if it comes back to me then I know it was meant for me....