Monday, December 28, 2009
yesterday when I was at church I realized that I have been having these second thoughts about who I am or what I want out of life. I have always been the quite, shy type. But the funny thing everyone knows me as the comedian. I do that b/c I don't want people to know the real me, maybe I'm scared people will think I'm boring or maybe its a way that I don't allow myself to feel any pain. It dawned on me yesterday when my pastor talked about not quiting he used glat 6:9 my whole life I have been trying to fit into someone box. I wanted to be the fun girl so I made myself go out with all my friends, I wanted to be like my best friend and get all the guys to notice me( not a bright idea)or I wanted to have random relationships w/ people just cuz everyone else did it, and I was so tired of being not normal. I was tired of never fitting in. I thought if I was like my friends maybe I'll find someone but to honest all i found were crazy dudes that wanted me all to themselves.. Not so cute. But the sad part is when all of those things came to pass. I still found myself unhappy and empty. And I realized that I am not my friends. I hate the clubs. I don't need every guy to notice me. I'm secure in who I am. I don't want random casual relationships b/c its not me, I only jump into something knowing it will lead to something important. I am simple, honest, boring, funny... Me and hopefully by the grace of Jesus I will put me in his hands fully and trust that who I am is OK and one day he will bring me someone who can fit me, and I wont need a box anymore...
Saturday, November 28, 2009
the book
day 14
verse:" For God has said, 'I will never leave you; I will never abandon you."
question: How can I stay focused on God's presence when he feels distant?
answer: Raymond Edman said that we should never doubt in the dark what God has told you in the light. and that is something that all followers should follow. but at times it is very hard to trust god when we cant feel his presence. that is what the devil wants for us to astray from what God has said. I know this a battle that I face every day. But I know when I cant feel him or he is silent i know he is there trusting me to make the right choice.
verse:" For God has said, 'I will never leave you; I will never abandon you."
question: How can I stay focused on God's presence when he feels distant?
answer: Raymond Edman said that we should never doubt in the dark what God has told you in the light. and that is something that all followers should follow. but at times it is very hard to trust god when we cant feel his presence. that is what the devil wants for us to astray from what God has said. I know this a battle that I face every day. But I know when I cant feel him or he is silent i know he is there trusting me to make the right choice.
the book
day 13
verse: " love the lord your god with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." Mark 12:30
question: which is more pleasing to God right now- my public worship or my private worship? what will I do about this?
answer: well that is easy for me... I am a very private person, I really don't do too much in public. I am not big on public worship when someone is yelling me to worship... I do not believe that walking with God is for show, and I just won't do it. I do believe that everyday is a day of worship, and I worship God everyday in my mind and whenever I see something that only God could have done.
verse: " love the lord your god with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength." Mark 12:30
question: which is more pleasing to God right now- my public worship or my private worship? what will I do about this?
answer: well that is easy for me... I am a very private person, I really don't do too much in public. I am not big on public worship when someone is yelling me to worship... I do not believe that walking with God is for show, and I just won't do it. I do believe that everyday is a day of worship, and I worship God everyday in my mind and whenever I see something that only God could have done.
the book
day 12
verse: " draw close to God, and God will draw close to you" James 4:8
question: what practical choices will I make in order to grow closer to God?
answer:
this is really hard for me, because I think anyone who walks with God id going to struggle with their faith. I know lately I have not felt his presence and that is always hard. I know that now I have to let my guards down, and trust him even when I cant sense him. read my bible more, attend more church function.. heck find a better church.....
verse: " draw close to God, and God will draw close to you" James 4:8
question: what practical choices will I make in order to grow closer to God?
answer:
this is really hard for me, because I think anyone who walks with God id going to struggle with their faith. I know lately I have not felt his presence and that is always hard. I know that now I have to let my guards down, and trust him even when I cant sense him. read my bible more, attend more church function.. heck find a better church.....
the book
day 11
verse:" friendship with God is reserved for those who reverence him" Psalm 25:14
question: what can I do to remind myself to think about God and talk to him more often throughout my day?
answer: I talk to God everyday, I think sometimes he get tried of hearing me. lol but nonetheless, I every time i try to think of something that hurts me I can think of what God has done for me, and all the blessings he has given me, and continue to understand that I may not be where I wanna be but I am where God needs me to be, and that is ok with me.
verse:" friendship with God is reserved for those who reverence him" Psalm 25:14
question: what can I do to remind myself to think about God and talk to him more often throughout my day?
answer: I talk to God everyday, I think sometimes he get tried of hearing me. lol but nonetheless, I every time i try to think of something that hurts me I can think of what God has done for me, and all the blessings he has given me, and continue to understand that I may not be where I wanna be but I am where God needs me to be, and that is ok with me.
the book
day 10
verse: " surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purpose" Romans 6:13
question: what areas of my life I am holding back from God?
answer: I am holding back on love from God I just for some reason cant trust the waters that God has placed in front of me. I get up to the plate and somehow I loose all the talent that God has placed in me.
verse: " surrender your whole being to him to be used for righteous purpose" Romans 6:13
question: what areas of my life I am holding back from God?
answer: I am holding back on love from God I just for some reason cant trust the waters that God has placed in front of me. I get up to the plate and somehow I loose all the talent that God has placed in me.
the book
Day 9
Verse: " THE Lord is pleased with those who worship and trust his love" Psalm 147:11
question: since God knows what is best, in what areas of my life do I need to trust him most?
Answer: Even though I know God knows best. sometimes I forget it. I think everyone at one point in their walk with Jesus we stumble and fall and not quite get up right after that fall. I know that God knows best but I have the hardest time trusting him with the idea of love or having someone special in my life. it's crazy b/c I want and need love I just don't know how to let all my guards down and allow him to guide that part of my life.
Verse: " THE Lord is pleased with those who worship and trust his love" Psalm 147:11
question: since God knows what is best, in what areas of my life do I need to trust him most?
Answer: Even though I know God knows best. sometimes I forget it. I think everyone at one point in their walk with Jesus we stumble and fall and not quite get up right after that fall. I know that God knows best but I have the hardest time trusting him with the idea of love or having someone special in my life. it's crazy b/c I want and need love I just don't know how to let all my guards down and allow him to guide that part of my life.
the book
day 8
verse: "the LORD takes pleasure in his people" Psalm 149:4
QUESTION TO CONSIDER: what common task could I start as if I were doing it directly for Jesus?
ANSWER:Praying more.I sometimes get so lost in my own world that I forget to pray for help.
verse: "the LORD takes pleasure in his people" Psalm 149:4
QUESTION TO CONSIDER: what common task could I start as if I were doing it directly for Jesus?
ANSWER:Praying more.I sometimes get so lost in my own world that I forget to pray for help.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
thanksgiving
I am so blessed to have another year to get right, and everyday I hope that I do my best. well... sometimes people make me come out of my religion and I want to shake them... but hey I'm trying. lol but anywho... I don't think that we should just have one day to be thankful everyday is a day to be thankful. I know that I may not have everything that I want but I have everything I need, and I am not blessed because of what I have I am blessed because of who I am. and everyday I thank god for making me strong believing in me no matter how far i fall from the tree. so I hope that everyone looks at their own life and see what a blessing it is to have... and for those that are going through sorrow and pain. I have been there and it will get better. pain is only temporary happiness is a lifetime's journey that you don't wanna miss out on...
here are the things that I am thankful for
1. God
2.my health(when its good.)
3. mama( she is super crazy but she is my crazy)
4. mike my brother( hotheaded as an Irish man. but one of the love's of my life)
5. betho my brother( ghetto but my fav.... don't tell...)
6. jr( my other brother, love you)
7. friends
9.my dogs( those are my babies)
10. my home
11. my best friend k-train( she is super crazy too. but would wanna rise this ride w/out her.)
have fun yall.....
here are the things that I am thankful for
1. God
2.my health(when its good.)
3. mama( she is super crazy but she is my crazy)
4. mike my brother( hotheaded as an Irish man. but one of the love's of my life)
5. betho my brother( ghetto but my fav.... don't tell...)
6. jr( my other brother, love you)
7. friends
9.my dogs( those are my babies)
10. my home
11. my best friend k-train( she is super crazy too. but would wanna rise this ride w/out her.)
have fun yall.....
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
the book
day 7
VERSE " for everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power, and everything is for his glory" Romans 11:36
QUESTION:
Where in my daily routine can I become more aware of God's glory?
ANSWER:
My days feel like they go so fast... I feel like there isn't enough hours in the day for me. But I think there should be a time where we can dedicate some time to God alone without doing anything else. Evey morning I try to pray and spend some time w/ him. I try to speak to him throughout my day. and ask questions that I do bot understand yet. I think if you can make God your best friend your relationship with him will go pretty smoothly
VERSE " for everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power, and everything is for his glory" Romans 11:36
QUESTION:
Where in my daily routine can I become more aware of God's glory?
ANSWER:
My days feel like they go so fast... I feel like there isn't enough hours in the day for me. But I think there should be a time where we can dedicate some time to God alone without doing anything else. Evey morning I try to pray and spend some time w/ him. I try to speak to him throughout my day. and ask questions that I do bot understand yet. I think if you can make God your best friend your relationship with him will go pretty smoothly
Sunday, November 1, 2009
the book
day 6
VERSE: so we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen, For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal 2 Corinthians 4:18
QUESTION: How should the fact that life on earth is just a temporary assignment change the way I am living right now?
ANSWER:
We all get caught up in trying to be cool, and wanting material gain... its life that is something that will not change this has been a problem for centuries all we can do as followers of Christ is try to not let the shinny things blind us from our purpose or redirect us from our path. I know that everyday as a young women who is a follower of God that I fall short all the time... it doesn't make me a bad person it just makes me human... there are going to be times where sometimes having millions and having a beautiful is all we want and that is ok, but we need to look at our motivation for wanting this worldly things... If we do get them how will we handle our new success????
VERSE: so we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen, For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal 2 Corinthians 4:18
QUESTION: How should the fact that life on earth is just a temporary assignment change the way I am living right now?
ANSWER:
We all get caught up in trying to be cool, and wanting material gain... its life that is something that will not change this has been a problem for centuries all we can do as followers of Christ is try to not let the shinny things blind us from our purpose or redirect us from our path. I know that everyday as a young women who is a follower of God that I fall short all the time... it doesn't make me a bad person it just makes me human... there are going to be times where sometimes having millions and having a beautiful is all we want and that is ok, but we need to look at our motivation for wanting this worldly things... If we do get them how will we handle our new success????
Friday, October 30, 2009
the book
we don't see things as they are we seem them as we are
Anais Nin
DAY 5
VERSE: "unless you are faithful in small matters, you won't be faithful in large one" Luke 16:10
QUESTION" what happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? what are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me?
ANSWER: everyday for me is a test.. I believe that as followers of God we are always being tested. to see how we handle things that we are faced with. I know for me sometimes I fail those tests, not because I didn't know the answer maybe it was because I got tired of running that race... my grandpa use to say" sometimes in life your not OK, and you need take a break" well lately that is what I have been doing with myself... I'm very out going and social but lately more than ever I have been vey introverted.. not sure why just have.. I haven't been there for people like I need to be. God has blessed me with the gift of changing things and being able to solove problems for people and I've just checked out for awhile and it shouldnt be like that I need to always have an open door for those that need an ear or a voice... I need to come back home....
Anais Nin
DAY 5
VERSE: "unless you are faithful in small matters, you won't be faithful in large one" Luke 16:10
QUESTION" what happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? what are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me?
ANSWER: everyday for me is a test.. I believe that as followers of God we are always being tested. to see how we handle things that we are faced with. I know for me sometimes I fail those tests, not because I didn't know the answer maybe it was because I got tired of running that race... my grandpa use to say" sometimes in life your not OK, and you need take a break" well lately that is what I have been doing with myself... I'm very out going and social but lately more than ever I have been vey introverted.. not sure why just have.. I haven't been there for people like I need to be. God has blessed me with the gift of changing things and being able to solove problems for people and I've just checked out for awhile and it shouldnt be like that I need to always have an open door for those that need an ear or a voice... I need to come back home....
the book
day 4
Verse: "this world is fading away, along with everything it craves. but if you do the will of God, you will live forever" 1 John 2:17
question to consider: Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start today?
answer: as humans there are so many things we need to stop doing. this question made me think... I know I need to stop comparing myself to worldly people. I have always been different. in the way I think, feel, love, and speak. and for the longest time I hated that I wanted to be like everyone else and casually date someone without thinking of the long run, or being the fun girls who hang out drink, and dance... I never got into any of that.lol I just need to be me.. flaws and all just bhatti and start allowing people to see the real me, not the me that I make up for show... the one who has loser moments and hangs out w/her brothers, and cries at movies. not the dolled up funny, out going person I made up...
Verse: "this world is fading away, along with everything it craves. but if you do the will of God, you will live forever" 1 John 2:17
question to consider: Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start today?
answer: as humans there are so many things we need to stop doing. this question made me think... I know I need to stop comparing myself to worldly people. I have always been different. in the way I think, feel, love, and speak. and for the longest time I hated that I wanted to be like everyone else and casually date someone without thinking of the long run, or being the fun girls who hang out drink, and dance... I never got into any of that.lol I just need to be me.. flaws and all just bhatti and start allowing people to see the real me, not the me that I make up for show... the one who has loser moments and hangs out w/her brothers, and cries at movies. not the dolled up funny, out going person I made up...
Sunday, October 25, 2009
the book
day 3
verse " you Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you" Isaiah 26:3
question to ponder: what would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? what do I want to be?
answer: my family and friends think that I don't make enough time for life or just living and having fun... everyone sees me as structured person w/ no leisure time... And for the most part that is true. The people close to me, would say my driving force would be fear... fear of being left behind be being like my family( I love my family very much) BUT... They just don't have it together and sometimes I am afraid that I will just give up and settle for what life hands me... that is the scariest feeling that I have ever felt. I come from a family that has never amounted to anything... I am the first in my family to graduate and go on to college, I'm the the last woman in my family... they have all been in many marriages that have failed and given on life... so YEAH, fear does drive me I am afraid of being left behind or just allowing myself to fall behind...
WHAT DO I WANT TO BE???
well that is simple... I just wanna be happy, without fear of loosing it.
verse " you Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you" Isaiah 26:3
question to ponder: what would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? what do I want to be?
answer: my family and friends think that I don't make enough time for life or just living and having fun... everyone sees me as structured person w/ no leisure time... And for the most part that is true. The people close to me, would say my driving force would be fear... fear of being left behind be being like my family( I love my family very much) BUT... They just don't have it together and sometimes I am afraid that I will just give up and settle for what life hands me... that is the scariest feeling that I have ever felt. I come from a family that has never amounted to anything... I am the first in my family to graduate and go on to college, I'm the the last woman in my family... they have all been in many marriages that have failed and given on life... so YEAH, fear does drive me I am afraid of being left behind or just allowing myself to fall behind...
WHAT DO I WANT TO BE???
well that is simple... I just wanna be happy, without fear of loosing it.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
the book
day 2
Quote: "I am your creator. You were in my care even before you were born" Isaiah 44:2
question: I know that God uniquely created me. Wat areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?
Answer:
Even though we know that God created us we still have a hard time trying to believe that we are perfect just the way we are... I know that we all have flaws and all but sometimes as humans we look at ourselves a failures because we don't get things right.. I know for me I have alot of things to accept about myself and each day I try a little harder to do that. One of my fears is allowing people to know how I feel or to know my fears itself... so here i go bare naked and all(not literally though) I need to accept myself for who I am.. I am not the life of the party or do I drink and get crazy nor am I the girl who wants all the guys to be all over me... i accept that... i hate my arms.. no matter what I do they still are big.lol I need to accept who I am and stop trying to fit in with people and just be me. even if they don't like me oh well... I know I may never m=find my place with people but Ive found my place with myself
Quote: "I am your creator. You were in my care even before you were born" Isaiah 44:2
question: I know that God uniquely created me. Wat areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?
Answer:
Even though we know that God created us we still have a hard time trying to believe that we are perfect just the way we are... I know that we all have flaws and all but sometimes as humans we look at ourselves a failures because we don't get things right.. I know for me I have alot of things to accept about myself and each day I try a little harder to do that. One of my fears is allowing people to know how I feel or to know my fears itself... so here i go bare naked and all(not literally though) I need to accept myself for who I am.. I am not the life of the party or do I drink and get crazy nor am I the girl who wants all the guys to be all over me... i accept that... i hate my arms.. no matter what I do they still are big.lol I need to accept who I am and stop trying to fit in with people and just be me. even if they don't like me oh well... I know I may never m=find my place with people but Ive found my place with myself
reading
I love to read... I know it's kinda of boring and old... but I just love it... it amazes me what write about... the other day I was getting ready for class and I had some time to do nothing(got up early...) and I walked by my bookshelf and I saw "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. I know I know its been out forever and a day... but I never got into reading it or maybe it was not the time for me to read it. So I picked it up and started reading it.. it is a book that you read for 40 days each day... I'm on day 2 so far so good. at the end it has question for you to think about.. I plan to share my thoughts on that question.
Day 1
quote "everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him" Colossians 1:16
question
in spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that my life is not about me but for living for God?
answer:
I believe that there are times where we forget that our lives have a purpose for something greater and we settle for less. then there are times where we get wrapped up in our own lives and forget that life isn't about us, but how we can make the world a better place. I know for me I have to let my own thoughts free and allow myself to feel more and think less...
Day 1
quote "everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him" Colossians 1:16
question
in spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that my life is not about me but for living for God?
answer:
I believe that there are times where we forget that our lives have a purpose for something greater and we settle for less. then there are times where we get wrapped up in our own lives and forget that life isn't about us, but how we can make the world a better place. I know for me I have to let my own thoughts free and allow myself to feel more and think less...
my life
I have been on this whole life changing path... maybe because I always feel like Im off my path... It's funny because people always say that life gets easier when you get older, but it doesnt life seems to get alot harder each and everyday, and sometimes I wonder how we make it through life.. I've been blessed because no matter how far I have fallen from the tree, God has always blessed me and watched over me, and I realized as I get older my faith has to get me through... If i don't have faith and hope what do I have??? so I am going to take this step and really put my all into being a better person for myelf, those around me and God....
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