yesterday when I was at church I realized that I have been having these second thoughts about who I am or what I want out of life. I have always been the quite, shy type. But the funny thing everyone knows me as the comedian. I do that b/c I don't want people to know the real me, maybe I'm scared people will think I'm boring or maybe its a way that I don't allow myself to feel any pain. It dawned on me yesterday when my pastor talked about not quiting he used glat 6:9 my whole life I have been trying to fit into someone box. I wanted to be the fun girl so I made myself go out with all my friends, I wanted to be like my best friend and get all the guys to notice me( not a bright idea)or I wanted to have random relationships w/ people just cuz everyone else did it, and I was so tired of being not normal. I was tired of never fitting in. I thought if I was like my friends maybe I'll find someone but to honest all i found were crazy dudes that wanted me all to themselves.. Not so cute. But the sad part is when all of those things came to pass. I still found myself unhappy and empty. And I realized that I am not my friends. I hate the clubs. I don't need every guy to notice me. I'm secure in who I am. I don't want random casual relationships b/c its not me, I only jump into something knowing it will lead to something important. I am simple, honest, boring, funny... Me and hopefully by the grace of Jesus I will put me in his hands fully and trust that who I am is OK and one day he will bring me someone who can fit me, and I wont need a box anymore...